I saw a post the other day from a sales trainer about how he'd been stood up three times by the same prospect.
Three times!!
He was demonstrating how he'd crafted a clever follow-up message to re-engage them after it happened.
The comments were full of praise, but I thought it was weird.
A group of professional adults talking about how to re-engage someone that has shown them huge disrespect. And I think salespeople get really confused between having a thick skin and being someones bitch.
If you cold-call someone it's absolutely reasonable to expect some abuse from time to time.
You interrupt their day. They did not ask to hear from you. If they tell you to piss off, that is their right. You picked up the phone and dialled into their world uninvited. That is the deal you make when you cold call. You accept the rejection and you move on. Thick skin is a requirement. Nobody is arguing with that.
The second situation is completely different. You have had a conversation. Maybe you have met in person. They have looked you in the eye, agreed to a meeting, put time in their diary. They have given you their word.
That is not a cold prospect any more. That is a commitment between two professionals.
When they stand you up, that is not a prospect being "busy." That is someone telling you that your time has no value. That you are not worth the 30 seconds it would take to send a cancellation.
Once is forgivable. Genuinely. Things come up. Emergencies happen. A quick apology and a reschedule, no problem.
Twice is a pattern. (I'm gone at this point)
Three times is a message.
The sales industry has a toxic relationship with grit. We have been trained to absorb unlimited amounts of disrespect in pursuit of a closed deal and commission.
"Thick skin" has been weaponised to mean "accept anything from anyone, smile, and ask for another meeting." We celebrate the person who got ghosted five times and still closed the deal. We never ask why anyone should have to operate like that.
This isn't just a moral issue
If you allow yourself to be treated like a doormat, people will treat you like a doormat. If you chase someone who has stood you up three times, you are positioning yourself as their subordinate forever more.
The buyer will smell it.
The best enterprise salespeople I have worked with all share one trait. They walk into every meeting as an equal. Not arrogant. Not aggressive. But fundamentally clear that they are a peer to the person sitting across the table. They are there to solve a problem, not to beg for attention.
That energy changes how the entire deal unfolds. It changes how procurement treats you. It changes how the buying committee talks about you when you leave the room.
If you get stood up 3 times (or even 2) and come back again you're not telling them you deserve a seat at the table - you belong under it, with the dog.
So where is the line?
For me, it is simple. If someone has engaged with me, agreed to a meeting, and then does not show up without explanation, I will reschedule once.
Only once!
If it happens again, I am done. Fuck the commission!
There are enough good prospects in the world who will treat you with basic professional courtesy. Spend your time on them. Spend your energy on people who keep their word, who respect the meeting they agreed to, who understand that your time is finite and that you chose to give some of it to them.
You are no less than anyone. You are equal to anyone. And you should carry yourself accordingly. Not just in how you speak, but in what you are willing to accept.
Self-respect might not be a 'skill', but it's priceless nonetheless.